Desi Diary » Jokes And Funneh

Musharraf is employed again!

desi — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 06:07:36 +0000

After being forced into resignation, poor Mush will do anything to make a living!

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

desi — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 04:12:32 +0000

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by
Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 .

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

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Mexican Word Of the Day!

desi — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:13:33 +0000

HARASSMENT:
Orale vato my vieja caught me in bed with my sancha pero that’s okay cuz I tol her that HARASSMENT nothing to me!

BISHOP:
We went to the movies and Lupe fell down and I had to pick the BISHOP!!

INJURE:
Me and my jefe were playin poker and he beat me… he said INJURE face cabron!!

FRITO:
After arguing with the pinche policia he tol me i wuz FRITO go.

SODAS:
My vieja has fat nalgas and SODAS her sister.

JUICY:
I was rolling blunts with my homie and said let me know if juicy the cops!!

WATER:
My vieja gets mad and I don’t even know WATER problem is?

BUTTER/LETTUCE:
Me and my ruca wanna get married BUTTER parents won’t LETTUCE.

RECTUM:
I bought my ruca 2 cars but, the pendeja RECTUM.

TISSUE:
I tol you if you didnt know how to do it, I could TISSUE

WAFER:
I wanted to go to the movies with my friends, pero los mensos didn’t WAFER me.

OMELETTE:
I shudda kicked you out last night, but OMELETTE it go this time.

JULY:
Ju told me ju were going to the store and JULY to me

HORCHATA:
You can keep talking your crap HORCHATA hell up.

PUTA:
PUTA phone down and get to work.

CHEESE:
Maria likes me but CHEESE ugly.

JUAREZ:
My girl slapped me and I said JUAREZ you’re your problem.

CASHEW:
Stop running so fast cause I can’t CASHEW.

TEXAS:
My girl always TEXAS, me wondering where I is when I am not home.

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Jay Leno Interviews!

desi — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 06:39:12 +0000

Web Design Breakdown

desi — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 07:58:12 +0000

Pakistan prepares for elections

desi — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:36:14 +0000

Green Lotay: Represnts PML (N) party
Red Lotay: Represents PPPP Party
White Lotay: Represents MMA
Blue Lotay: Represents PML (Q)

Picture courtesy of Flickr and ATP

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Bush, Blair, etc wish Pakistan happy independence day

desi — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 18:39:58 +0000

Mushy and BB Parody

desi — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 01:38:38 +0000

BB to Mushy: Kher na jaa tay kher nu vi naal le ja

More Musharraf Parodies

desi — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 10:55:10 +0000

Musharraf Benazir Deal – Opposition Leaders Are Worried

Musharraf , Sheikh Rasheed, CH. Shujaat Parodies

California

desi — Tue, 29 May 2007 11:34:32 +0000

You know you’re from California when…../ Californians are better because…………

Everyone hates cops

You live next door to mexicans

You say “like” and “for sure” and “right on” and “dude” and “totally” and “peace out” and “chill” and “tight” and “bro” and “hell of” and “hella”(Nor Cal only) and “faded” and “stoked” and “fo sho” and you say them often

You know what real cheese taste like.

You don’t get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.

You can wear sandals all year long.

You go to the Beach – not “down to the shore.”

You know 65 mph really means 100.

When someone cuts you off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road.

The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

Our governor can kick your governors ass.

You can go out at midnight.

You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you’re from, you give your area code.

You might get looked at funny by locals when you’re on vacation in their state, but when they find out you’re from California you turn into a Greek GOD.

We don’t stop at stop signs… we do a “california roll”
No cop no stop baby!

You can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

All the TV shows you “other” states watch get filmed here.

EVERYONE smokes weed. no exceptions.

We’re the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State…..GOLDEN!!!

We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

We have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means our opinion means more than yours, which means we’re better than you.

The best athletes come from here.

We got disneyland….wut now!

We have The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf which is way better than Starbucks.

We call it soda, not pop.

Oh, and no one from California calls it Cali… that’s how we know you’re not from around here.
———————————————————————-

The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else.

Your sense of direction=Toward the ocean and away from the ocean.

You eat an In n Out burger at least once a week!!!

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can’t find your other earring because your son/brother is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains “significant others.”

You don’t exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can’t schedule a meeting because you must “do lunch.”

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

You’ll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
———————————————————————-
All highways into the state say: “no fruits.”

All highways out of the state say: “Go back.”

The Terminator is your governor

You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal?

It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH”

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

You make over $300,000 and still can’t afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

You don’t care what race people are because you’re too busy wondering what gender they are.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t even notice.

Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

The normal symbols on restrooms mean “people wearing pants” and “people wearing skirts”.

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S &M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.

Both you AND your dog have therapists.

You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

Bush Congratulates Obama

How Pakistani are you?

desi — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 06:52:34 +0000

Take the quiz.
How Pakistani Are You?

You are a 100% Pakistani!!

Be proud of being a true Pakistan. You are an inspiration and role model for the rest of the FOB community. You are one of those special human beings.

how pakistani are you
Take More Quizzes

Pakistani Engineer to Become New Owner of NFL Team, The St. Louis Rams

Aaj Kal Ki Larkiyan …

desi — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:00:32 +0000

Saw this as Jawad’s signature on Pakmusic forums.

A new Musharraf Parody

desi — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 11:07:47 +0000

Im not sure if its the same guy who did the original Musharraf parody, but its equally hilarious.